If you associate bullies with playgrounds and elementary school, that means you probably haven’t experienced one as an adult. Unfortunately, some people never outgrow being a child and continue this harassing behavior well into adulthood. In this Article are some tips for understanding and dealing with bullies, no matter how old you are!
You may not be getting squeezed into your locker by a pack of football players anymore. However, adult bullies can still act out similarly. What’s more frustrating about adult bullies, however, is they’ve gotten much better at hiding what they do. An adult bully is much more subtle than their “give ‘em a swirly,” “that’s so fetch” teen counterparts. They know how to poke and prod without attracting the attention of their superiors. Even worse, they might be your superior.
Many adults don’t even realize they’re being bullied at all. Yes, it can take semi-obvious forms like playful joking, or pals ragging on you because “you seem like you can take it,” but it can also stay off your radar entirely.
Getting ignored: This could mean being given the “silent treatment,” refusing to help you when asked, not responding to your attempts to communicate (phone calls, emails), cutting you off while you’re talking, or even keeping you out of the loop for work-related social events.
Disrespecting your time: Intentionally showing up late to meetings, failing to get things to you by the time they said they would, or putting your requests off to help others first are all excellent examples.
Messing with your work: This could be in the form of sabotaging your ideas or projects, denying you well-deserved praise, taking credit for your work, making you the scapegoat for workplace problems, or even refusing to acknowledge your ideas at all.
As an adult, you have a lot more control over the situation than you did when you were a kid. You may not be able to “tell the teacher,” but you also can choose how you spend your time. You’re not necessarily stuck with them as you might have been in a school situation. If you aren’t looking for any confrontation, these are some simple “avoidance strategies”:
Avoidance strategies can be as simple as upping the privacy on your social media, ensuring you’re not alone around the bully, or devising an escape plan should the bully try to corner you. While the passive approach may not be the most popular one, it may be the only course of action for some people who feel that they cannot address the bullying directly.
You can also ask your boss to move your desk or be taken off of their project. Generally speaking, if an opportunity arises for you to get away from them, take it. It won’t work every time, but if nothing else, it’s a start.
When you stop being a victim, each of the bully’s attempts becomes embarrassing for them, not you. Remember, most bullies want to get a rise out of you, so they feel like they have control. The less subtle and more aggressive they are, the easier they are to deal with. Label them as a bully in your mind and consciously avoid their bait. They might be aggressive, but they’re probably lazy as well, so they’ll eventually lose interest and look for a “weaker” target.
For some bullies, a little more force might be needed. If a bully keeps pushing you despite your other efforts, you need to push back. Not physically, of course, but verbally. If there’s one thing that bullies hate more than someone shrugging off their flak, it’s someone standing up to them.
Despite your best efforts, some bullies won’t go down easily. When things have gone too far, and you can’t seem to get them off of your back, it’s time to send in the big guns. Your safety should be your number one concern. Don’t let your pride prevent you from getting the help and protection you deserve.